How to be happy
12 things you can do to be a happier person
According to The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky, there are 12 ways that you can increase happiness.
Gratitude- Gratitude comes in many shapes and sizes. It can be appreciation in any form; for a person, a pet, a life event, a circumstance, an experience, or a physical object. Gratitude can also be looking at the bright side of a setback or imagining/manifesting abundance. It can be directly or indirectly thanking someone in your life or thanking God or the universe. Gratitude can be past, present, or future oriented. The act of expressing gratitude gives us perspective and positions us to be in a positive head space.
Cultivate optimism- There are many ways to cultivate optimism. You can think about your best possible self, imagining yourself in the future having achieved something you are currently working on or would like to start. You can also think about realizing your life dreams and achieving your best potential. Being optimistic is just as much about cultivating positivity as it is interrupting negativity. It is important to hold yourself accountable when you notice negativity arise. Keep in mind that happiness is a state of mind, a way of perceiving ourselves and the world in which we reside. It is important to reinterpret and redirect our negative thoughts into more neutral and optimistic ones. If we want to be happy we need to manage our perspectives.
Avoid overthinking and social comparison- At times, we all have fallen into the trap of comparing ourselves to others or excessively pondering the meanings, causes, and consequences of our problems. Becoming happier means learning how to disengage from overthinking about major and minor negative experiences, learning to stop searching for the pitfalls, and not letting them affect how we feel about ourselves and life as a whole.
Practice acts of kindness- Acts of kindness are unique to each person. For some it might be a thoughtful phone call, an act of service, or spending quality time together. For others it might be a small gesture, a surprise gift, or kind words. Eastern philosophies teach that to decrease depression and increase happiness we must focus outward on others instead of on our own needs.
Nurture social relationships- As humans, one of the most important needs we have is to belong. Spending time with others will help us feel connected and will facilitate social support in times of stress, distress, or trauma.
Develop strategies for coping- Coping can be internal or external. Some coping skills focus on increasing awareness of self while others focus on distracting from intense unwanted feelings. You can practice coping by relishing ordinary experiences, transporting yourself to joyful moments using your auditory or olfactory senses, celebrating good news, opening yourself to beauty and excellence, or practicing mindfulness.
Learn to forgive- Letting go is important in moving forward. In therapy, we process all feelings in regards to any traumatic event before discussing letting go and establishing a new narrative.
Increase flow experiences- We can increase flow by creating more opportunities to engage in activities where we feel absorbed and lose track of time. Ideally these experiences also cultivate a feeling of mastery or growth.
Savor life’s joys- Any single happy experience may be amplified or minimized depending on how much attention we give it. Four ways in which we can absorb the most happiness from any experience is to anticipate, savor, express, and recall. The first is to anticipate happy moments by planning, imagining, and feeling anticipatory excitement. Secondly, we savor happiness as it unfolds by feeling all positive feelings as they’re occurring and interrupting negative or self sabotaging thoughts that come up. Thirdly, express happiness verbally by tapping into vulnerability. Lastly, recall/replay a happy memory, either by yourself or with a loved one.
Commit to your goals- It is important to have something to work towards, no matter how big or small.
Practice religion or spirituality- This varies drastically depending on your own personal belief system. Regardless of your beliefs, the main goal is to seek meaning, connection, or purpose.
Take care of your body- Meditate, exercise, and get enough sleep. All these are proven ways to release dopamine.
Below is a visual guide to refer back to or to share with others. If you find yourself struggling to implement any of these and have noticed an impact in your mental health, reach out for a consultation appointment.
References:
Lyubomirsky, S. (2013). The how of happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want. Piatkus.
Rubin, G. (2018). Happiness project. HarperCollins Publishers.